The Inner Voice
Anyone here thinks that you should have something new in your life? Yes, I think new things are good, right? A new semester is good. A new job is good. A new house is good. A new political party in a new GRC… would be better. I love trying new things.
When I was an undergraduate student, there is a new thing for me called rope course – the one in which you have to go up to a few storeys high, and literally hang yourself by a thread and walk in the thin air. You think it is new? No, these are older than PAP. What new is that the coach suddenly said, now let’s try something new. Climb up to five storeys high, and jump up to touch the ball, and fall down, literally fall down! For science people, yes, gravitational acceleration = 9.81 m/s2. I was like, “Are you crazy?” “Are you out of your mind?” The last craziest thing I did was to go to a new hairdresser. Jumping from five storeys high? Are you kidding me?
So I said yes. Cause I was really drunk the night before, and I don’t have enough sleep – so I am not sure if I am still alive or not already. But I was not stupid. Because I knew that people could die by doing that, even some people will be holding me on the ground with the strings tied on me. Well John? OK Time to die hahahaha… So I eventually did some research to see if there’s any trick for me to jump off the building safely. And I did find a couple of tricks:
One, don’t jump off the building.
Two, talk to your friends and families before thinking so.
Three, just don’t jump off the building.
I remember at that time everyone nearly tries their turn, and I just simply delay till the end. Oh my God, it is too high for everyone. People are crying. People are screaming. There is a big medical room just near the rope course facilities. And there is a sign saying, “Good luck!” I was extremely scared like I am preparing my interview questions for Lee Kuan Yew, Winston Churchill, Nelson Mandela, Jesus, you name it.
At that moment, the inner voice in my head told me with 100% certainty that : you’re gonna die. And I was really scared – cause usually my inner voice just tells me something like – your mouth is large – which by the way, I think it is true. So I just pictured what if I jump down and no one saves me, right? Oh my God, my whole life is destroyed. I should have just stayed at home, joined Toastmasters, recorded video with my large mouth. Why would I be here? While I was thinking, it was already my turn to jump. I tell myself, “Oh my God. I don’t wanna do it. I don’t want to destroy my pretty face. I am handsome. – I do have a handsome face in case you can’t see it.” But, at that moment, I touched my heart. I knew that I had to do it. I don’t want to be scared anymore. So, I close my big mouth, close my small eyes, raise my chest, begin to make my move, climb up – I really should find a new hairdresser. My hair is too long for me to see what happened. I don’t want to get a bald hair… and then I jump up – I touch the ball, and fall down like a perfect stunt. This is how my face looks like afterwards – which is still pretty. After a while, I think, it’s not that bad. I think I can do it again. At that moment, I realise the inner voice in my mind is not true. Maybe my mouth isn’t that big – though I can still be the most handsome man in the world. After that event, I had no fear. I jump off staircases like doing parkour, and I didn’t even care anymore.
There’s another moment in my life when I was dealing with my inner voice. I attempt to learn how to swim for once when I was a kid. But I just couldn’t do it, because every time I try to do it, my inner voice would tell me: You are gonna drowned. That’s the first time I realise that – my inner voice also has an accent. One day, I decided to go against my inner voice because from the bottom of my heart, I know I had to do this. And second, I learned that people who swim have hot bodies. So I went to my dad: Dad can you teach me how to swim? I want to swim now. My dad then said fine, go! You think we are going to a swimming pool? No, he brought me to the bathroom. He said: you should first learn how to put your face under the water. Not the toilet bowl? What are you thinking people… But I just couldn’t do it. My dad pushed my head into the water and I know I was like “Oh my God! I am really gonna die! My dad is trying to kill me! Oh my God! I see God! Hi Jesus! Why are you here? No, get me out of here! God don’t push me!… and then he pulled me out of the water. At that moment I had a breakthrough – my dad does not have a hot body. He knows nothing about swimming. I can’t believe I am still alive.
Sometimes in life when we are pursuing our dreams, our goals, our desires, for example building a hot body, you have to say no to your inner voice. You can’t trust it. But if you think about it, that’s a time we can show our courage. When we say no to our inner voice, tie a knot around your body, climb up to the highest point you can, jump as much as you can and never look back.